Easter

Dear Hello Kitty,

I went to visit my parents for Easter in Arizona. It was a totally total disaster.

First, I got on the airplane and the attendant made an announcement. Someone on the plane had a bad allergy to peanuts, so bad that peanut could like totally kill them. So if one person couldn't have peanuts, NO ONE could have peanuts. We were gonna get pretzels instead. They were so allergic, they couldn't even smell or breathe or look at peanuts. I'm scared of lots of things, but even I'm not scared of peanuts. Then it would be pretty hard to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, Hello Kitty! LOLLOLLOL!!!

I stood up and asked, "Who is it? Who's the peanut freak?" But no one answered, and a lot of people gave me looks and the attendant asked me to sit down. I sat down, but I wasn't happy. It made no sense. If I'm gonna be stuck on a plane with a sucktard peanut mutant, I wanna meet him/her/it. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I see people on crutches all the time. You should be proud of what makes you abnormal and ridiculous and pathetic and weird. You should get a t-shirt that says, "I'm totally scared of smelling peanuts! ROFL!" Or you could just hide behind the faceless authority of major airline personnel. Puh-LEEZE.

We got pretzels. There was a warning on the back: "Made in a factory where peanut products are packaged." Since when did the whole world revolve around peanut allergies? I tried to be helpful. I stood up and said: "Don't eat the pretzels either, peanut freak! They were made in the same factory! I bet they were even like totally made in the same WORLD, LOL!" The attendant asked me to sit down again, and told me there was a sky marshal on the plane.

What-EVA.

I got bored so I went into that pouch thing in front of me for the airplane magazine, which was like totally stupido (which means stupid in Spanish, I totally know these things Senorita Hello Kitty). I wanted to see what all was in there, so I dug around. And you know what I found, Hello Kitty? A half-eaten bag of peanuts! I guess whoever sat in the seat before me (or even before that -- ew!) left them there, which is gross. If you're not gonna eat all the peanuts, why don't you throw them out? Are you saving them for winter, like a bear or a chipmunk or a hungry shark? But even that doesn't make any sense, because you don't live on the plane! You'd have to buy another ticket and make sure you sat in the exact same seat to get your peanuts back. That's a lot of work for a few peanuts. People are sooooooo dumb.

Ordinarily I don't get all worked up over some peanuts, Hello Kitty. But there was a peanut freak on board. I wanted to save his (or her) life! So I stood up and held up the peanuts and yelled: "OMG! Peanuts! I found peanuts in my magazine pouch thing! And the bag's open!"

This guy in the back of the plane (who was totally going bald and stuff LOL!!!) stood up too and said, "No! Not peanuts! I'm allergic! They're gonna kill me!" And I'm like, "Ha-ha! Peanut freak! What, you can't even smell 'em or look at 'em? Mm-mm! I love peanuts!"

Long story short, Hello Kitty, I had to talk to some guys in uniforms when the plane landed. You're not supposed to yell on a plane and stuff, you could get into trouble. Even if you're trying to save some bald peanut freak's life.

They made me sit in a room and they looked through all of my luggage. Then they made me take all the stuff outta my pockets. What they found was: my keys, my Bedazzled cell phone with Hello Kitty's face on it, my wallet, my money and my Hello Kitty pen that can totally write in all different colors LOL!

They let me go after a while. I went looking for my dad, who was supposed to be there to pick me up. But I didn't see him ANYWHERE! I got confused and scared. So I did what I do anytime I get confused and scared, Hello Kitty.

I took off my shirt and sat on the floor and cried.

The same guys in uniforms came and got me. They searched me again and found a note in my wallet (pink with Hello Kitty O/C! ROFL!!!) with my dad's cell phone number. They called it. He had actually been in the airport the whole time! When I didn't get off the peanut freak plane with the rest of the peanut freaks, he thought my flight got delayed so he went to a bar and started drinking. He drank and drank and drank and drank and drank. You might think he was drunk, Hello Kitty, but that's not the case. He wasn't drinking BOOZE, he was drinking apple juice, and he drank so much apple juice that he was peeing for a like a million years when the uniform guys called for him over the speakers. The sound of my dad's apple juice pee was too loud for him to hear. Which is why I ended up without my shirt on and crying. I woulda been embarrassed if everyone in the whole world wasn't so STUPID.

Except you, Hello Kitty! OMGLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!